You make an excellent case for shifting from problem-solving to connecting first and then seeing what unfolds. At some point, I realized the word "problem" implies something is broken and must be fixed. It creates a contraction around a sense of urgency. Challenges seem to be a more fitting word for our lives. I love your mentor's question: "What’s here if there’s no problem to solve?" My biggest takeaway is that when you maintain a connection or reconnect, the "problem" "magically" resolves itself. Thanks for your insightful essay, Justin.
Thanks for reading Ryan! Same thing with the word problem over here. There's alway a flag that goes up when I notice myself or someone I'm working with labelling something as a problem. Frequently there's an energy that introduces that cuts off creativity and lifeforce. Love that we've discovered the same thing on our journeys!
Connection with each other is so key. His Hesed transforms and helps us share joy. We need our relational circuits turned on. Sometimes focusing on problems and solutions flips off that switch. Interactive gratitude and turning to God restores our ability to relate well. It’s a growing process!
It’s a concept from brain science and an approach called Immanuel Approach or Immanuel journaling. I write about this and use it in my work with clients. I will explain more later or see if one of my posts already explains. Still early in Oregon!
I sent you links to a couple of good articles. The basic idea is that pain of any kind turns of the relational circuits in our brains. This makes it hard to relate to ourselves, God or others. So to turn on the relational circuits, we need to either do interactive gratitude (for a Christian this would look like thanking God for some things and then listening to what He would say in response to our gratitude, which is something that can happen as we worship and connect with Him), or simply give thanks works also. There's a 5 Bar exercise I teach my clients that helps us establish a connection with God. This is a good way to turn on relational circuits.
Great piece! I saved it to remind me to approach my relationships with the intent to connect and not try to solve their problems. I have already done this in my personal relationship and have seen how helpful and less frustrating our exchanges are when I take this approach. I always want to please others by offering my take on solving their problems. I have little doubt they prefer having someone listen to them and witness their frustrations and challenges rather than another voice telling them what to do. This, my friend, is called Wisdom. Thank you!
Thank you Scott. This absolutely mirrors my experience, including wanting to help or please others (without even knowing if that's what they want or what would really be helpful!). So much Wisdom in it. Appreciate you for reading and sharing your insight.
Thanks for this. As a writer myself, I'm fascinated by words. "Solution" has several meanings. As you describe it, the word references solving problems. A solution is also a medium, usually liquid. Some have alchemical properties. A solution, then, can also be an environment that catalyzes positive change. Like sustaining a loving attitude in a relationship, no matter what.
Ahhh this is so beautiful. I love the wordplay. Per this, I'm encouraging people to use connection as a solution (an environment that catalyzes positive change), not a solution (a means of solving a problem). Ha! Delighting myself with this.
You make an excellent case for shifting from problem-solving to connecting first and then seeing what unfolds. At some point, I realized the word "problem" implies something is broken and must be fixed. It creates a contraction around a sense of urgency. Challenges seem to be a more fitting word for our lives. I love your mentor's question: "What’s here if there’s no problem to solve?" My biggest takeaway is that when you maintain a connection or reconnect, the "problem" "magically" resolves itself. Thanks for your insightful essay, Justin.
Thanks for reading Ryan! Same thing with the word problem over here. There's alway a flag that goes up when I notice myself or someone I'm working with labelling something as a problem. Frequently there's an energy that introduces that cuts off creativity and lifeforce. Love that we've discovered the same thing on our journeys!
I second all that you wrote here. Fun traveling with you!
Connection with each other is so key. His Hesed transforms and helps us share joy. We need our relational circuits turned on. Sometimes focusing on problems and solutions flips off that switch. Interactive gratitude and turning to God restores our ability to relate well. It’s a growing process!
Interactive Gratitude - I love the picture this paints. What do you mean by that? What does it look like in action?
It’s a concept from brain science and an approach called Immanuel Approach or Immanuel journaling. I write about this and use it in my work with clients. I will explain more later or see if one of my posts already explains. Still early in Oregon!
I am writing about this in my book called Tenderly Transformed: Growing and Healing Through Turbulence Times. Glad you asked.
Searched your posts and only saw it referenced. Would be excited to learn more! And good morning from NY!
I sent you links to a couple of good articles. The basic idea is that pain of any kind turns of the relational circuits in our brains. This makes it hard to relate to ourselves, God or others. So to turn on the relational circuits, we need to either do interactive gratitude (for a Christian this would look like thanking God for some things and then listening to what He would say in response to our gratitude, which is something that can happen as we worship and connect with Him), or simply give thanks works also. There's a 5 Bar exercise I teach my clients that helps us establish a connection with God. This is a good way to turn on relational circuits.
Here's one person's article which explains relational circuits: https://depree.org/de-pree-journal/staying-relational-in-stressful-moments-part-2/
https://depree.org/de-pree-journal/staying-relational-in-stressful-moments-part-1/ Here's part 1, @JustinMulvane
My Wordpress blog has some posts which explain a little more about the Immanuel Approach. But in my current manuscript I share more clearly. Here’s a little background. https://hopebeyondwords.wordpress.com/2023/07/27/my-healing-journey-and-becoming-a-counselor/
I can get you a link to something that explains relational circuits more specifically.
Good Morning! This post touches on it. I think you do coaching? I’d be glad to share with you sometime on a video call for a few minutes if you’d like. https://open.substack.com/pub/susankuenzi/p/our-brains-are-designed-to-run-on?r=22wfou&utm_medium=ios. It’s really changed my life and my work with clients.
Great piece! I saved it to remind me to approach my relationships with the intent to connect and not try to solve their problems. I have already done this in my personal relationship and have seen how helpful and less frustrating our exchanges are when I take this approach. I always want to please others by offering my take on solving their problems. I have little doubt they prefer having someone listen to them and witness their frustrations and challenges rather than another voice telling them what to do. This, my friend, is called Wisdom. Thank you!
Thank you Scott. This absolutely mirrors my experience, including wanting to help or please others (without even knowing if that's what they want or what would really be helpful!). So much Wisdom in it. Appreciate you for reading and sharing your insight.
It's Steven but Scott is ok too! ; )
WOOPS! Thanks Steven :). A Scott Johnson had recently subscribed so I had assumed you were he. Appreciate you correcting me.
Thanks for this. As a writer myself, I'm fascinated by words. "Solution" has several meanings. As you describe it, the word references solving problems. A solution is also a medium, usually liquid. Some have alchemical properties. A solution, then, can also be an environment that catalyzes positive change. Like sustaining a loving attitude in a relationship, no matter what.
Ahhh this is so beautiful. I love the wordplay. Per this, I'm encouraging people to use connection as a solution (an environment that catalyzes positive change), not a solution (a means of solving a problem). Ha! Delighting myself with this.