Resolving Miscommunication at it's Root

Tell the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth

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🔊 New Podcast: No Clear Answers + Communication

Listen on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.

Chapters:

• 0:00 Cold Open

• 0:32 Show Intro

• 1:08 Today’s Topic: Communication

• 2:35 What do we get wrong around communication?

• 13:26 What do we get wrong about listening?

• 24:50 Expectations and communication

• 27:42 Understanding who you’re communicating with

• 30:18 Listening and coaching

• 31:58 Communicating when you’re unavailable for communication

• 38:23 Communicating uncomfortable things

• 45:19 Getting on the same page

• 48:31 Staying attuned while communicating & listening

• 51:08 Tips for improving communication

• 1:05:22 Parting Words

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I found it ironically challenging to record a podcast episode about communication.

It’s a topic that’s so fundamental, so broad. How could we possibly cover it in just over an hour? How could I communicate everything that I had to say?

The truth is - we didn’t cover all of it. I didn’t say everything I had to say. And that’s okay. Because there are so many gems in this conversation.

Rikki requested we record this episode precisely for the challenge it presented. Communication is fundamental to being human. Every time we relate to each other it’s through communication, be it verbal, non-verbal, written, or energetic. And because communication is our primary way of interfacing with each other, so many of our challenges stem from poor or miscommunication.

It would’ve been easy to make this episode a list of communication frameworks and tactics. To repeat the same things that everyone tosses around on LinkedIn, Twitter, and [insert your favorite self-improvement source here].

But if those things really worked, we wouldn’t have so many of them. Everyone would use the communication framework that works best and that would be the end of it.

So communication frameworks, while helpful, aren’t the answer. What exists in the land beyond frameworks? If we look to the root of communication (and more importantly, miscommunication)—what actually matters?

Over the course of our discussion, there were a few points that really resonated with me:

• Why your intention doesn’t matter

• The importance of communicating from the root of your truth

• How the way we listen creates miscommunication (and what to do about it)

• The importance of knowing when you’re unavailable for communication

• Why you need to learn how to communicate uncomfortable things

Tell the Truth

Corey says it well in the episode:

Your intention doesn’t matter.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you intended to communicate.

It’s the results.

If somebody receives something other than what you intended, it’s worthwhile to explore how you communicated that, be it energetically, with your word choice, or through some other means. This stance is fundamental to becoming a more aware and effective communicator.

When I dig into the root of communication with myself and my clients, it almost comes down to one thing: Congruence. How congruent is what you’re saying with what’s true for you?

• Are you speaking the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

• Are you honestly, accurately, and completely communicating what’s happening for you? Or are you withholding, mis-representing, or selectively communicating?

• Are you connected to yourself and what you’re feeling as you communicate? Or are you up in your head?

• Are you communicating to speak truth? Or are you communicating to manipulate or optimize for an outcome?

It’s an age old adage for a reason. You can’t escape it: Speak the Truth.

Listen to Fully Understand

Oh—those pesky people have things that they want to say now!

Communication is a two-way street. Equally important to communicating truthfully is to listen wholeheartedly.

There are so many agendas that show up as we listen. We listen to respond. To fix. To correct or to improve. The list is endless. And more often than not, those agendas don’t align with effective communication or what the other person wants.

There’s only one agenda I’ve found that reliable generates effective results: to listen with the interest of completely understanding the other person.

In my training as a coach, we called this conscious listening. When I listen consciously, I pay attention to:

• Beyond what they’re saying, what do I think they really mean?

• What is the emotional content of what they’re saying? How are they feeling?

• What is it that they’re most wanting, longing for, or needing?

When I fully drop into this, I notice that I totally get the other person. I almost feel as if I am them. Their worldview makes sense to me in the way that my own makes sense to me. I understand where they’re at, what they’re feeling, why they feel that way, and what they really want. I can even see and feel into things that they’re not saying or may be unaware that they’re feeling.

I’ve found listening in this way to be transformational. So often when someone is communicating, what they most want in that moment is to be gotten, truly and fully. They want someone to be able to truthfully say “you make sense to me.”

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These were some of my favorite points of discussion, and there’s much more in the episode. If you want to dive deeper, checkout the episode on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.

Cheers!

-Justin

p.s James Clear agrees on the importance of communication….

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If you enjoy reading the Leadership Lab, consider clicking the ❤️ or 🔄 button above so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏. It would mean the world to me.