Peak Performance Newsletter #4 | On the Price of Reaction, Nihilism, and Calling out the Elephant in the Room
Hey All,
You'll notice this is coming late this week. An earlier version of me would have been furious about this, launching into all sorts of perfectionistic worries, projections, and self-flagellation.
All of them stories.
A lot of the work I've been doing lately, with myself and you all, is to call out that these are simply stories and, most importantly, that we have the ability to choose that which is most useful.
My story for today: "better late than never."
Reaction as Self-Distancing
One idea I've been exploring lately is that of reaction as inherently violent to the self. If violent is too strong of a word, let's substitute it for reaction as being inherently self-distancing.
We all react, all of the time. These reactions are by nature, automatic. In emotional terrain, these reactions inevitably draw us away from ourselves. Can you think of anything more opposed to open presence than automatic reaction?
And so we feel emotional and we react—either against our feelings "I'll just push through" or assuming we know what to do to "fix" them via long-engrained patterns "I feel sad so I'll just laze around on the couch all day."
The opposite approach is to pause, accept, and take stock. Acknowledge that everything that's happening here is okay. That you don't need to react in order to "fix" something. And from there you have given yourself the ultimate gift: that of being seen.
Often once you have that, the right way forward often becomes obvious.
Bringing Things Into The Space
This connects to another theme I've been exploring lately. I find that oftentimes the tension that grinds away at us is a result of the thing that is happening which we are not saying to ourselves or speaking aloud in our relationships. Namely the elephant in the room.
We feel a certain way that we don't want to admit to ourselves. We're upset with a relationship in a way that we feel like we can't speak aloud.
When this happens, we play all sorts of games in an attempt to solve the feeling without having to do the uncomfortable thing: bringing that which you do not want to admit or say into the space.
The thing is, none of those other methods will ever work. The only path forward is to call out the elephant and start to work with it.
Otherwise, you build a house with an elephant in it. You have to play increasingly elaborate games to avoid the topic—how do you justify all of the elephant food, waste, and caretaking activities you're engaging in without admitting that there's an elephant there? Eventually it all falls apart. Best to address the elephant now.
A short read on Nihilism
I came upon the notion this week that Nihilism, the idea that everything is meaningless, is actually just the inversion of the Judeo-Christian values of eternalism. It is therefore still trapped by its constraints.
This read makes an argument for that case, and what it inherently costs us: Nihilism promises 0 as a defense against the pain of negatives, but as a result also costs us the positives—those things which you like get thrown out with all of those things that hurt.
The reality of the matter is that the world is much more nuanced than the black and whites that our brain likes to choose.
It's been a very conceptual few weeks in the newsletter! I enjoy it, but thinking of adding some tactical/actionable tidbits in coming weeks. Keep me posted on what you think!
Best,
Justin