Are you Willing?
One of the most important distinctions in transformation
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“Are you willing…?”
This is one of the most common ways I begin a sentence in my coaching practice these days.
“Are you willing to accept yourself just as you are?”
“Are you willing to drop that pattern?”
“Are you willing to let go of that belief?”
Willingness is one of the most important and powerful distinctions I learned in my conscious leadership training.
We all have shit that’s in our way. We all have patterns and beliefs that we want to let go of and change.
So why don’t we change them?
This is the distinction between wanting and willingness.
When we want something, well, we want it.
We want things to be different. We want to show up differently. We want to drop a pattern, or let go of a limiting belief.
Wanting is a pretty beautiful state to be in! To want is fundamentally human.
But wanting to change and being willing to change are two different things.
To want to change is as simple as that. It’s to want to change.
But to be willing to change is to be willing to let go. It’s to be willing to take a leap into the unknown. It’s to be willing to take a risk that you’re not sure will payoff in the interest of learning something.
I believe one of my jobs as a coach is to help my clients tap into their fundamental wanting and confront them with their own willingness.
So when I hear a client say…
“I really want to show up differently.”
“I really want to drop this belief.”
“I really want to recreate my life.”
“I really want… I really want… I really want…”
The first thing that comes out of my mouth is: “Well are you willing to?”
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Now the important thing about willingness is that yes isn’t a better answer than no.
When you confront yourself with your own willingness, what you’re actually doing is taking an honest self-inventory.
Am I actually willing to change that pattern?
Am I actually willing to let go of that limiting belief?
Am I actually willing to see myself as enough and love myself just as I am?
It’s common when confronting and facing the question of one’s own willingness to notice resistance. To notice the fears, beliefs, and scarcity that come up and lock the pattern or belief in place. That is, to notice one’s own unwillingness.
There’s also a natural tendency to want to override that unwillingness. But when I work with folks, we actually say no. Let’s not try and bulldoze over your resistance. That resistance is intelligence. It’s wisdom. It’s your inner guidance system teaching you something about you. Something in you isn’t ready to change yet, and until you meet that part of yourself, change won’t happen.
So the goal of the question “would you be willing to…” isn’t to say yes. It’s to uncover and meet the unconscious forces in your psyche that are keeping you exactly where you are. It’s to witness those forces, those parts, those thoughts, beliefs, and fears fully. To see them, hold them, embrace them, and love them. And through that process explore:
“Am I willing to take the risk of trying something new?”
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For your Exploration
If you’re reading this, I make up you’re pretty self-aware. I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew of some pattern of limiting belief that is in your way right now.
Does something come to mind?
If not — look at an area of life where you don’t yet have what you want. Ask yourself: How am I getting in my own way? How am I showing up in a way that is keeping me from what I want? What’s a belief that I’m holding that’s getting in the way of getting what I want?
Are you willing to know the answer to those questions?
Once you have something, ask yourself: Am I willing to let go of that?
Am I willing to let go of the pattern?
Am I willing to let go of the limiting belief?
As you ask that question, tune in. Go inward and notice what comes up in you. Are you willing to witness, welcome, honor and appreciate the wisdom of whatever arises, including and especially your resistance?
It’s my experience that when I fully witness, welcome, and appreciate those parts of me that are in resistance, the space for change emerges.
Happy exploring,
Justin
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Many thanks to Dave Kashen for inspiring for this post. Lest you think I’m not included in this work, this was Dave’s invitation to me after I listed off the patterns and beliefs I could see that were holding me back from building the business of my dreams:
🙏 A Request for your Support
If you really knew me, you’d know I’m looking to push edges in my business right now. Alongside of a lot of creative aliveness, I’m also seeing this is calling me to make vulnerable requests for support.
My core want is to increase the amount of facilitation and group work I do. I'm energized at the thought of bringing this work from primarily 1:1 coaching to supporting teams and communities to do this work together and get more conscious, connected, and effective.
I'm wanting to connect with communities and leaders who are passionate about building teams that are high performance AND high humanity.
Do any communities, companies or people come to mind? In general or that you'd be willing to connect me to?
If anything at all comes up, I’d appreciate you letting me know. Every little bit is deeply helpful ❤️
If you enjoy reading the Leadership Lab, consider clicking the ❤️ or 🔄 button above so more people can discover it on Substack 🙏. It would mean the world to me.